I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
