We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
