i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
