So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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