if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I love you. Go after that dick
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