I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Ketchup is God's man juice
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
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I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
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The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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