Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
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So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
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All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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