Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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