dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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