you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.