If that was your dad, he is hot
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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