I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
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Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.