There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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