what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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