I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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