I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
