Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We had sex on a dog bed..
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
