did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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