Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
