Midget sex pt 2 tonight
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
