sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
