We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
