Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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