We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
