So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You made out with two different species that night
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize