Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
