the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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