My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
