i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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