Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
