he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
