Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
