i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
then he tried to convert me to islam
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just want nice things and good sex
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
