a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
We got so high we made milksteak
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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