Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
