I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
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