every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She tied me up with her honor cords...
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Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
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well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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