All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
well you can't waste a boner
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
