oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
