Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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