I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
The best revenge is premature balding
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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