my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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