Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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