Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
