bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
