i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
