Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
