Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We don't watch enough power rangers
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
