It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
