saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
