my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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