I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
