just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
