Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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