just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
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New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
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also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.