i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.