There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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