Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
