is wine microwaveable?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
