You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
