I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
