Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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