i just had sex bonerless
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
