Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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