well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
