Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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