The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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