Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
