He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
