Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
