i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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