In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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