he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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