I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
